Feeling Free

Hey, hey - it's been a while, good to see your face.

So maybe I've lost a bit of inspiration for my blog posts, or maybe I have just been having too much fun to take a time out to write. But I am back, so let's party!

Health Quest Post Part II
Remember when I mentioned that most dietitians that I know are neurotic and have some type of personality disorder? Okay, maybe I didn't say it like that, but that's what I meant. Notice I said most dietitians. I don't think I am neurotic or have a personality disorder, but when it comes to fitness and health, I may be a tad obsessive...until recently.
A few years ago, I was really into running. Not only did it make me feel good, but it also made me feel that I earned that glass of wine and chocolate, or at least that it wouldn't go right to my hips (in my case, my face). On days that I was not able to get in my normal run, I was not myself. I was irritable, moody, mean, and just unpleasant. To put this in a way which sounds more obsessive, my "normal" run was 8 miles/day 6-7 days per week. I would wear a heart rate monitor, and if my heart rate wasn't high enough, I'd run faster. I'd run with a watch and if my time was slower than the day before, I'd pick up the pace. If the calories burned were less than 500, I'd run longer until I burned at least 500 calories.  If I was short on time and only got in 5-6 miles or only burned 300 calories, I was mad, irritable, moody, and unpleasant. If I skipped a day completely? You don't want to know. But I was like this when I met my husband and he married me anyway, so maybe I'm exaggerating a tad.
So I obsessed about it and just made running something that I did every day. However, when I was at my fastest, and my endurance could go on for days, I was told I needed to cut back and maybe even stop for a while. That was tough. Just like any addiction, I went through withdrawal. Then I just became lazy and thought, "well, if I cannot run, why do anything?" So I didn't do anything.
Looking back on it now, as I once thought of this as laziness, I think it was really a way out. I am no longer obsessive, irritable, moody or unpleasant.  I slowly got back into running, but if I went 2 miles, or 5 miles, it didn't matter - I was at least back out there. Now that I am injured again, I can only run a couple of times per week, but it is so liberating to be able to run and enjoy it - not worrying about my time, my distance, or the way my pants will fit. I had this feeling of freedom when I released the chains of my heart rate monitor and Garmin watch. I no longer care if I miss a day here and there, and I no longer view exercise just as a mean to fit into my pants. I do it because I love it. I do it because it makes me feel strong. I do it because it relieves stress. I do it because I can. And I feel so free.
So there you go. That was the second part of that Health Quest post. I feel so exposed now.

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